I loooooovvvveeee meeting women! Really do. And, if you’re an introvert like me who wants to date— places to find dates as an introvert is as nerve-racking as accidentally posting your nudes in a work-group. If you cringe at the idea of approaching women in crowded and rowdy bars, noisy clubs, or any situation with strobe lights or other places that are bit more extroverted—welcome. You’re in the right place or maybe the weird place.
Now, according to the archives of your friends and social media, most dating advice usually sounds like it was written by extroverts on molly. “Just go talk to her!” is what my friends would say and gesture with a push in my back, meanwhile I was quietly planning my escape from this group chat. But here’s the thing: introverts can meet people, flirt, and even hook up. It just tends to happen in the most ironic and unexpected places at the most unexpected time, if you play your cards right.
So over the years, here are a few surprisingly weird but real-world places to find dates as an introvert (like you and me) which I found. And, this applies to any version of introverts.
1. Find Dates as an Introvert at the Random Group Hang-Out You Tried to Dodge
Yes, that games night your friend begged you to attend. Or, that birthday dinner for someone you barely know, the dorm party or office party, can be a hunting ground despite the social setting. Quite often, my steady stream of friends who were mostly extroverts encouraged these outings harmlessly, but knowingly that I needed to get out a bit. Not because I enjoy my own space and alone time, means that we didn’t have things in common – like enjoying music or having a drink. This just meant that I was as much a part of the gang and invitations still came up, it’s just whether I had the energy to attend.
Why it works to find dates: In this scenario, there’s no pressure. You’re surrounded by mutual friends or people on your level – this helps with the anxiety, let’s call it heterophobia. And when you’re not trying to impress, however people actually get to see the real you—calm, observant, and low-key funny (especially if you have dark-family-guy humor like me).
Real example: Years ago in my early college years, I went to a night beach with my boys and linked up with a girls’ crew, where I met this bodacious voluptuous college girl. I thought quietly, “damn, she is nice!” but, could not muster an approach and I was just there for vibes. Surprisingly, despite my cavalier but sporadically sharp wit while being socially awkward and pleasant at the same time – my boys roped me into the conversation (good extroverted friends). The interjection from my friend meant that she took a liking to me. We started talking then dating after a few more personal hangouts. So indeed, group hangouts are an unusual place to find dates as an introvert. Thank you bruh! If he is reading this J
2. Find dates at Volunteering Events (Even If You’re a Little Cynical)
This one is a little calmer on the anxiety as you have a natural motivation. You don’t need to join Greenpeace. Just show up for a local park cleanup, animal shelter day, or food drive. Easy peasy.
Why it works: Shared purpose. No small talk pressure. You’re working side by side, which makes starting a conversation easy—and natural.
People at these events tend to be open, grounded, and generous. Volunteerism is an area that shows off your human qualities as an introvert and is a great starting point for getting to know someone with comparable admirable qualities.
Now I don’t have a real world example on my part, but I read some notes which I think is worth reading: Introverts and Dating: How Giving Back Can Open You Up
3. The Group Fitness Classes You Swore You’d Never Try
Alright, now amongst my favourite past times is exercising in some form. In fact, most of my favourite sports are (gasp) team sports – ironic for someone who enjoys the pleasures alone. Though, joining a gym can be a little too sociable nowadays even with earphones on in a shared space.
Why it works: When you frequent a gym, you see the same people regularly. They become indirect “gym-crew” if you have a consistent schedule you adhere. The common workout goals, means it’s sociable—but structured, which introverts like myself secretly love. Nothing chaotic with lights and all, other than muscle and bone, which bonds can be formed over.
My experience: Not fitness, but I once took a salsa class because I found the dances enticing and sexy. I was terrible. My dance partner laughed the whole time (negating small talk). We grabbed drinks afterward and we ended up seeing each other outside of class. Bad dancing, good vibes. Simple, eh?
4. Finding dates in Long Lines & Waiting Rooms
Banks, Supermarkets, Pharmacy, Fast food walk-in, Movie premieres, you name it. These are all great places to find dates as an introvert. It sounds weird (which is the point), but hear me out.
Why it works: You are in this ridiculous fast food, slow queue. You notice this lovely specimen of a woman noticing you – the one with the right amount of everything, you smile shyly and she smiles back invitingly. You’re both stuck so, there’s no pressure. The conversation starts naturally: “This line is ridiculous, huh?” Or, “it’s KFC, why are they fumbling over the menu as if it has fish, mutton & beef on it?!”
Unexpected date: It works! The rest will be a next post!
5. The Quiet After-Party Moments
This is an ideal scenario to find dates as an introvert. Not in the loud-ass party. The after part. The cleanup. The late-night couch talk. The walk home. You name it.
Why it works: That’s when introverts shine. Fewer people, deeper conversation, no music blaring. Also, it’s the social sweet spot.
Real scenario: Back in the early college years, there were many parties. I stayed late at this friends dorm/house party to help clean up. Ended up talking to a lovely looking lady for hours in the kitchen. We clicked immediately. We never even exchanged numbers—she just handed me her phone and said, “Add yourself.”
Final Thoughts: Finding dates as an Introvert Isn’t About Pretending
So, how to find dates as an introvert is about showing up or being present —sometimes just barely—and letting the world come to you in weird, quiet ways. It’s not even about your personality traits, it’s about leveraging the opportunities when they present themselves. Additionally, you don’t need to change who you are. You just need to be open to showing up where people least expect connection to happen.
Try one of these low-pressure spots. Say “yes” once in a while. The best moments often happen when you’re not trying so hard.
You don’t have to be the loudest guy in the room—just the most present.
If this resonated, share it with another introvert who’s tired of dating apps and loud bars. Better yet—challenge yourself: pick one spot from this list and give it a shot this month. You might not just meet someone—you might meet someone who gets you.
The Smart Dimwhit is a fun loving blogger who speaks about extroverted life situations from the perspective of an introvert, with random musings and terrible humor. Follow him on Pinterest, Instagram or Facebook, to keep in touch.
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